“It's hard to know whether to laugh or to cry at the human predicament. Here we are with so much wisdom and tenderness, and—without even knowing it—we cover it over to protect ourselves from insecurity. Although we have the potential to experience the freedom of a butterfly, we mysteriously prefer the small and fearful cocoon of ego.”
- Pema Chodron
The Ego
The word ego originates in 19th century Latin. Directly translated, “ego” means “I” in Latin. In psychology and Western theories, the ego forms our self-concept and is an essential part of our human cognitive function.
In spiritual teachings the ego is the aspect of the human mind that is identified with the external image we have of ourselves and believes that image is who (and all) we are.
“The ego is an optical illusion of consciousness.”
- Albert Einsten
“The ego is a conglomeration of recurring thought forms and conditioned mental-emotional patterns that are invested with a sense of "I, a sense of self.”
- Eckhart Tolle, “A New Earth”
“The ego is the feeling of separateness, the sense of duality, or the idea of being distinct and different from others. It is the false perception of oneself as a separate being or a limited being. Since it exists in all of us as individual consciousness, it is a universal feeling.”
- The Bhagavad Gita
“The ego is a dysfunctional relationship with the present moment.”
- Eckhart Tolle, “A New Earth”
“Ego could be defined as whatever covers up basic goodness. From an experiential point of view, what is ego covering up? It's covering up our experience of just being here, just fully being where we are, so that we can relate with the immediacy of our experience.”
-Pema Chodron
“Lifetime after lifetime, I’ve been born and been given a name, and lifetime after lifetime I’ve identified completely with that persona. It dawned on me what a waste that has been. What a waste to keep getting tricked in the same way.”
-Pema Chodron “Welcoming the Unwelcome”
“Ego says, "Once everything falls into place, I'll feel peace". Spirit says, "Find your peace, and then everything will fall into place".
-Marianne Williamson
OTHER WORDS FOR “EGO”…
False Identity
Phantom Self
Illusory Self
Identification with Form
The Voice in your Head
Forgetfulness of Being
The Unobserved Mind
The Conditioned Mind
Unchallenged Agreements
HOW TO RECOGNIZE THE EGO
Notice when you experience a tightness or contracted feeling when you say: I”, “me”, “my”, “mine”, “I want”, “I need”.
Become aware of the voice in your head - notice when you are completely identified with the voice in your head, when you believe all the thoughts and content.
Notice tendencies or desires to make yourself right and others wrong.
Notice when you take things personally.
Notice when you make assumptions and stories about someone else or a situation.
Notice when you complain, find fault, feel resentful or are very reactive to a situation.
Notice your attachment to things, objects and possessions - all the things you label as “mine”. Do certain things induce a feeling of importance? Do you feel angry or resentful or less than if someone has more than you or you lose something. Notice when you want “more” but getting more does not satisfy you.
Notice if you believe that something that happened in the past is the reason you can’t be at peace today.
Notice if you believe that something that is happening now should not be happening, and it is preventing you from being at peace.
Notice if you find yourself saying or believing that once (fill in the blank) happens, you will be at peace.
Become aware of your relationship with the body. Do you feel that what you call “my body” is who you are? Is your sense of self worth dependant on how your physical body looks and functions?
BEFRIENDING THE PRESENT MOMENT - RELAXING THE EGO
“Our journey toward living without ego is to learn how to let go, relax, take a chance, wait and see, and never sum ourselves up.”
- Pema Chodron
Though the Buddhists talk about achieving an ego-less state and Eckhart Tolle speaks of dissolving the ego, it is very important to not mis-interpret their message.
The ego is not the enemy.
Viewing the ego as an enemy and the unconscious actions that follow as a weakness or fault only serves to strengthen the ego, that is to say the sense of separation. Eckhart says, “the ego needs resistance to survive”, so fighting the ego or trying to get rid of it actually strengthens it, often by creating a new false identity of being an “enlightened being”, for example. This is a spiritual trap that many people fall into and one that we are wise to be aware of.
“The idea that we need to get rid of ego is a mis-understanding, one that many people - even experienced Buddhist practitioners - share. The notion that we need to get rid of something within ourselves is a setup for intensifying our inner struggle. It can only inflame our tendency to be unfriendly to ourselves.
- Pema Chodron
Presence relaxes the ego.
We are not aiming to terminate the ego, rather we are aiming to relax the ego. Free from the grips of an identified mind, we are able to maintain our sense of being, our sense of inhabiting a body - we are able to perform functions and roles without losing ourselves in them.
“Instead of getting rid of ego, the idea is to become very conscious of ego and how it works. Ego manifests in all the countless ways we resist what is. It shows its face in all our solid views, opinions, and fixed ideas. It is present in the ways we identify ourselves such as ‘weak’, ‘strong’, ‘broken’, ‘wise’, ‘competent’, ‘unworthy’, and so on.” The heart of the practice is to notice all of this and rest in the middle of it all, not trying to fix or alter anything. This is the path of non-rejection.”
- Pema Chodron, “Welcoming the Unwelcome”
“It all starts with the present moment, and your relationship with the present moment. Friend or enemy? The present moment is inseparable from life, so you are really deciding what kind of relationship you want to have with life. Once you have decided you want the present moment to be your friend, it is up to you to make the first move: Become friendly toward it, welcome it no matter what disguise it comes, and soon you will see the results. Life becomes friendly toward you; people become helpful, circumstances cooperative. One decision changes your entire reality. But that one decision you have to make again and again and again - until it comes natural to live in such a way.”
- Eckhart Tolle
“I don’t want to waste another lifetime taking this current, very fleeting, very fragile persona so seriously.”
- Pema Chodron
On Grace…
“You cannot transform yourself, and you certainly cannot transform someone else. All you can do is create space for transformation to happen, for grace and love to enter.”
- Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now
Our Closing Meditation:
Prayer of the Lotus Nectar
Beloved Kuan Yin, help me realize the connection to myself and to Life that I need to be able to live my highest vibrational life, where I am well, replenished, joyful and connected to the endless flow of divine energy and life force in our Universe. Please bring me clear guidance about how to best cultivate chi now, how to be open to receive the Nectar of the Lotus, the life force and love of the Divine Mother, for my highest good, so be it. Om Mani Padme Hum.
“Om Mani Padme Hum”
This is a powerful heart opening mantra.
It means ’the opening of the jewel in the lotus,’ or ‘may the heart awaken with divine compassion and may I know myself to be an awakened being of light’.