The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.
~ Carl Rodgers
Dear Wise Women,
We continue our dance together.
Over the past few months, we have been weaving with the fabrics of compassion, acceptance, comparison, and expectations. It has been a gentle and slow practice, guided by unconditional love and grace. In real time, we are co-creating a never-ending tapestry that beautifully captures the many textures and colours of our unique experiences. As we continue the warp and weft on this loom we call life, I now invite you to dive a little deeper into the heart of true acceptance.
A few weeks ago, I shared a quote from Tara Brach:
”The two parts of genuine acceptance—seeing clearly and holding our experience with compassion—are as interdependent as the two wings of a great bird. Together, they enable us to fly and be free.”
Wise Women, imagine yourself as this great bird…see your wings unfolding… feel yourself soaring!
And now, free of judgement, free of fear, compassionately notice if there are any limitations or restrictions preventing you from reaching your full wing span. Is there something you are carrying? Do you feel tethered or held back in anyway?
If so, you are not alone.
With radical self-acceptance, let us remove the pebbles that weigh us down and cut the cords that limit our freedom.
Infinite love and gratitude,
Patti
The following are excerpts from Tara Brach’s book, “Radical Acceptance, Embracing Your Life with the Heart of a Buddha”
Radical Acceptance is not resignation
The greatest misunderstanding about Radical Acceptance is that if we simply accept ourselves as we are, we will lose our motivation to change and grow. Acceptance can be misconstrued as an excuse for persisting in bad habits. Acceptance might suggest that we resign ourselves to being exactly as we are, which often enough means “not good enough”.
Radical Acceptance does not mean defining ourselves by our limitations. It is not an excuse for withdrawal.
Radical Acceptance means bringing a clear, kind attention to our capacities and limitations without giving our fear-based stories the power to shut down our lives. Radical Acceptance also means not overlooking another important truth: the endless creativity and possibility that exist in living. By accepting the truth of change, accepting that we don’t know how our life will unfold, we open ourselves to hope so that we can move forward with vitality and will.
Radical Acceptances is not self-indulgence.
It does not say, “I accept that I have this lust or craving, and therefore I’ll act on it.” While it’s important not to deny or suppress our desires, it’s also important to be aware of what motivates us and the effects of our behavior.
Radical Acceptance does not make us passive.
There is a difference between actions and decisions that arise from Radical Acceptance and those that reflexively spring from our grasping after certain outcomes and our fear of certain consequences. Radical Acceptance acknowledges our own experience in this moment as the first step in wise action. No matter what the situation, our immediate personal experience is the fundamental domain of Radical Acceptance. This is where we cultivate the genuine wakefulness and kindness that underlie effective action
Radical Acceptance doesn’t mean accepting a “self”.
When we say, “I accept myself as I am,” we are not accepting a story about a good or bad self. Rather, we are accepting the immediate mental and sensory experiences we interpret as self. We are seeing the familiar wants and fears, the judging and planning thoughts as a part of the flow of life. Accepting them in this way actually enables us to recognize that experience is impersonal and frees us from the trap of identifying ourselves as a deficient and limited self.
In contrast to orthodox notions of climbing up a ladder seeking perfection, psychologist Carl Jung describes the spiritual path as an unfolding into wholeness. Rather than trying to vanquish waves of emotion and rid ourselves of an inherently impure self, we turn around and embrace this life in all its realness—broken, messy, mysterious and vibrantly alive. By cultivating an unconditional and accepting presence, we are no longer battling against ourselves, keeping our wild and imperfect self in a cage of judgment and mistrust. Instead, we are discovering the freedom of becoming authentic and fully alive.
I leave with you with one of my favourite Rumi - one I have shared several times before and one that I can never read enough....
The Guest House
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
~ Rumi