Dear Wise Women,
Welcome back! As I envision the continuation of our circles, I feel a sensation of stepping forward! Stepping forward into spring and stepping down a never ending path of unfolding wonder and miracles! I am reminded of a quote I read awhile ago…
“Each step taken from the heart unfolds a path of never ending love”
- Harold Becker
Over the past weeks we contemplated authentic Forgiveness and Integrity and their role in raising our vibration and returning us to unity and wholeness. This week and next we will reveal the true meaning and power of Compassion and Loving Kindness.
As before, I invite you to approach the subject of compassion with a “beginners mind”. This means to have an attitude of openness, eagerness, and lack of preconceptions when studying a subject, even when studying at an advanced level, just as a beginner would.
Let’s begin by understanding the origins of the word:
The Latin root for the word compassion is pati, which means to suffer, and the prefix com, which means with. Compassion literally means to suffer with.
This definition may cause you discomfort , and if this is the case, please take a moment to pause and honour that sensation. What is arising? Perhaps there is a natural resistance to the idea of suffering with others? Perhaps there is fear? Perhaps there is judgement? All are ok and all are welcome. Simply witness all that arises, acknowledge the mind’s reaction, breathe deeply and soften the heart. Take comfort in knowing that compassion is not about taking on suffering in order for others not to suffer, it is about BEING WITH SUFFERING so that we all may heal. True compassion opens a portal to transformation for all.
“Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It's a relationship between equals. Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity.”
“In order to have compassion for others, we have to have compassion for ourselves.”
―Pema Chödrön
“Compassion is the awareness of a deep bond between yourself and all creatures.”
“There are two sides to compassion, two sides to this bond. On the level of form, you share mortality and the precariousness of existence. On the level of Being, you share eternal, radiant life. True compassion goes beyond empathy or sympathy. It does not happen until the seemingly opposite feelings of sadness and joy merge into one and become transmuted into a deep inner peace. This is the peace of God. It is one of the most noble feelings that humans are capable of, and it has great healing and transformative power.
True relationship becomes possible only when there is an awareness of Being. Coming from Being, you will perceive another person's body and mind as just a screen, as it were, behind which you can feel their true reality, as you feel yours. So, when confronted with someone else's suffering or unconscious behaviour, you stay present and in touch with Being, all suffering is recognized as an illusion. Suffering is due to identification with form. Miracles of healing sometimes occur through this realization, by awakening Being-consciousness in others -- if they are ready.”
- Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now
THE PRACTICE OF TONGLEN
Tonglen practice is a Tibetan Buddhist method for overcoming our fear of suffering and for dissolving the tightness of our hearts. By having the courage to face the pain of others and breathe it in, the Tonglen practice awakens the compassion that is inherent in all of us. Tonglen is difficult to do because it reverses the usual pattern of avoiding suffering and of turning away from our pain and, especially, the pain of others. Tonglen dissolves the layers of self-protection or walls we’ve built around our hearts…it dissolves the fixation and clinging of ego. It is a deep and courageous practice of being deeply present with pain, which is the only way to dissolve it.
The practice is a follows:
When facing pain, either our personal pain or the pain of others, we feel a connection to the millions of other people who are feeling just like us.
Contact what we are feeling and breathe it in, take it in for all of us.
As we breathe out, we send relief to all of us.
This is the core of the practice: breathing in others’ pain so they can be well and have more space to relax and open-breathing out, sending them relaxation or whatever we feel would bring them relief and happiness. Often, however, we can’t do this practice because we come face to face with our own fear, our own resistance or anger, or whatever our personal pain happens to be just then. At that point we can change the focus and begin to do tonglen for what we are feeling and for millions of other people just like us who at that very moment are feeling exactly the same stuckness and misery. Maybe we are able to name our pain. We recognize it clearly as terror or revulsion or anger or wanting to get revenge. So we breathe in for all the people who are caught with that same emotion, and we send our relief or whatever opens up the space for ourselves and all those countless others. Maybe we can’t name what we’re feeling. But we can feel it-a tightness in the stomach, a heavy darkness, or whatever. We simply contact what we are feeling and breathe in, take it in, for all of us- and send out relief to all of us. People often say that this practice goes against the grain of how we usually hold ourselves together. Truthfully, this practice does go against the grain of wanting things on our own terms, wanting everything to work out for ourselves no matter what happens to the others. The practice dissolves the walls we’ve built around our hearts. It dissolves the layers of self-protection we’ve tried so hard to create. In Buddhist language, one would say that it dissolves the fixation and clinging of ego. Tonglen reverses the usual logic of avoiding suffering and seeking pleasure
In the process, we become liberated from very ancient patterns of selfishness. We begin to feel love for both ourselves and others; we begin to take care of ourselves and others. Tonglen awakens our compassion and introduces us to a far bigger view of reality. It introduces us to the unlimited spaciousness
- Pema Chodron
A Prayer for Compassion
Grant me the courage
to feel what others feel,
to feel what I feel.
Grant me the courage
to see what others see,
to see what I see.
Grant me the courage
to turn towards other’s suffering
to turn towards my suffering
rather than away.
Grant me the strength to see where we are all the same
to feel our shared humanity
and to realize that the walls around my heart
are only an illusion of safety.
Remind me that I am protected by a power
that is vaster than my mind can ever understand.
Show me that when I allow myself to open
to the suffering in me
and around me
I help to open the shared heart of humanity.
- Patti Wardlaw